I’ve never had a stomach for drama, where emotional issues are raised and beat like a drum until every ounce of ugliness coagulates and is then un-ceremoniously scraped off like pond scum. This is more of a reflection that is examined to its final conclusion.

For some time, I have been considering the day I would opt out of Facebook. There are many reasons, but by far, the greatest motivation is that it gives a false sense of relationship. Over a period of time I became comfortable (and sadly, content) with simply commenting in response to a “friends” post. Initially, it made me feel like I had interacted with them in some meaningful way … that I had done my part to “maintain” the relationship. I could come and go as I pleased … ignore the “posts” or situations I wanted to avoid or jump into the middle of the ones to which I thought I had something to add … whether I did or not. It worked for a while. I saw my “friends” list grow, sometimes even “maintaining” friendships with people I’d never met (people who only had a common interest.) Through Facebook, I collected fragments about the lives of those who I called “friends” … much like collecting photos … instances in time. Never really seeing the entire person … just their two dimensional image. Now, some of you are saying, “Well Phil, that is what you made of it, you could have managed it better and made it work for you!” Maybe. It could be, I’m just not that good at social media.

One other minor element that figures into all of this is the amount of additional content that somehow ended up in front of me. For all practical purposes, it is noise … I’m sure Facebook monitors my every click (whether by intention or error) and has determined these are topics about which I am interested. Some of them I am, most of them I am not. I find myself wading through a trough of information that means nothing to me. I seem to aimlessly peruse … looking for what, I do not know.

I do know there are positive aspects to parts of Facebook. Through the interface I have re-connected with people I had not seen in over 50 years. Childhood friends. There has been some good in all of this. I do not want to paint Facebook as some destructive evil brought about by the internet, responsible for corrupting human relationships. No, it has a place … I just don’t know what that looks like for me right now.

As I mulled all of this over in my brain I realized just how much time I was putting into Facebook, compared to the shallowness of it all. I had somehow settled for something that only looked like relationship. I remember, true relationships are built through interactions with others … a place in which raw and difficult conversations and events can occur … where a degree of transparency happens. This is a fundamental of what I knew to be true. I see again, those who are my real friends have earned the right to speak into my life and share my shortcomings … they are the ones who know me and love me the way I am. They have spent time in the trenches with me … they have endured me in spite of who I am. The subtleness of “virtual relationships” has caused me to lose my way with regards to establishing and maintaining real relationships … even with those I am closest to.

So, as of today, I am suspending my use of Facebook. Some of you I leave, knowing the appearance of any relationship will quickly fade. I will eventually disappear from your page and life will go on as usual. There is no ill-will in this and there is no guilt implied … it is as it should be … no more, no less. Others, on the surface, may want to continue to maintain an on-going relationship with me … but in the end, it may become inconvenient. We all have busy lives, and let’s face it … the investment might be too much. I get that, and I’m ok with that. I’ve spent much of my life trying to maintain “relational roads”. Some of those roads turned out to be the proverbial “roads to nowhere.” I know the amount of effort involved in just “maintaining.” Please don’t feel compelled to force this on my behalf.

There are a few of you, I know, whose lives will be connected with mine until the end. These are the ones who will either be at my funeral or I at theirs. I am content with a few. I would consider it a blessing to have a few deep relationships over a hundred shallow ones. I don’t like to give up on any relationship … it’s in my dna. So I won’t. Here’s my email… rpgood57@gmail.com . If you want to get in touch with me, you can, and I will respond. If you ask me for it, I will send you my phone number as well. You can call me on occasion as I will call you. We will re-connect. I look forward to reestablishing our friendship!

phil

For those of you who have had the opportunity to view “The Truth Project”  (www.thetruthproject.org), you will likely remember the key statement made early on in the presentation…

“Do you really believe, that what you believe, is really real”?

When I first heard this I thought it was a cute play on words. I thought, of course, why would I say I believed in something, if I didn’t believe it was real. The host of the program, (Del Tackett) asked everyone in the group to consider the statement, as he said, “You will more than likely be “haunted” by the question in the coming weeks”. Of course, I considered myself the exception. I probably would not hear the question again, once the program was over.

That was close to three and a half years ago. I was confronted with the question the very first week. A situation had come up at work, there was room for negotiation and I could have handled it in one of two ways … by employing “Best Business Practices”, which would have been the safe bet, or by doing what I knew to be the “right thing” based on scripture. This last approach, even on the inside of a christian ministry, carried with it, huge risks.

As I weighed the two options, I heard the question, “Do you really believe that what you…”, yeh, that one! If I really believed what was written in the book, it should have been a no-brainer… why was I struggling then? Too much to lose? But wait, how can I lose … is ever being centered on scripture wrong? Maybe it’s a “trust” issue. It’s not the words I’m suppose to trust … it’s the person who said the words that gives them credibility and life. I either trust Him or I don’t!

Over the last several years I’ve been confronted with the question numerous times in all kinds of situations.

This morning, this question hit me like an artillery round. I didn’t even hear it coming. I felt particularly alone. Physically, no one else was home, but it was more than that. I’m bearing the weight and frustration of having to short sell my home. My family and I have to be out within thirty days and the prospects of finding a place to rent … discouraging to say the least and at times almost overwhelming. I have no family locally and only a few friends from church who I can share with.

The scripture is my only source of encouragement. It clearly says, “I will never leave you or forsake you.” That’s what I believe, but it’s extremely hard to grasp right now. “Do I believe, that what I believe is really real?” I do.

Lord help me in my weakness, knowing all things are under your hand and nothing happens outside of your plan.

Where else could I go?